I’m vulnerable to chaos magic. This is why I work with computers. I need spellcheckers, calendars and emails which organize my social life onto neat little lists which I can sort and search. All magic triggers chaos in me. I felt a spell passing as I turned a cabinet over in search of ibuprofen. I had to confirm there were white pills in hard plastic and soft foils, as a part of preparations for this weekends workshops. Pre-emptive ibuprofen prayer, as a preparation for chaosmagicallychargedlabour efforts is most adult thing I’ve done to date.

Form and function. I loved my M8 but it had too much form. I was struggling because it could conform to anything and I never felt satisfied by it. It constantly revealed my particular inadequateness as a listener and musician (human even). I swapped it to a Leploop 3v which has a lot of function, that I can only access partially due to its clunky form. This represents my inadequacies as efforts to form relationships with the instrument. I now know I don’t want to work with samplers, because samplers are heading from form towards abstraction. I want to work the opposite, from analogue circuitry towards sound. From this angle I’m better as an artist in failing with my technoish representation of nature (beauty), which is what electronic components and circuts are.

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